I really felt good yesterday - you know why?
I raised my voice and yelled, I stamped my feet ( not very hard ofcourse, didn't want to have an earthquake in Central India!!) - in short I indulged in a full fledged tantrum throwing.
And why not? After being the eldest person around dozens of youngsters for three months, I find I am suddenly the youngest person around in the house these days... I told you guys that my parents were celebrating their golden anniversary, right? So the house is full of my mausis, uncles, mamis and ofcourse there is always dear hubby who is a full five years older.
I got suddenly upset about something - a routine, daily kind of matter - and rather than pondering over it and feeling bitter or upset and 'plotting a strategy'to have ' my way' I let the whole world know as loudly as I could that NO, this was NOT acceptable; I need, I DEMAND a change - and then I walked off in mock huff!
And you know it worked!! I had people, more specifically, two 'helpers' involved ( a polite word for servants - the domestic variety so common in India ) running after me and pacifying me... no, Nita didi - as they call me - don't be upset, don't be angry - ofcourse your bidding shall be done - see, we are doing it right now... and then they laughed "hehehehe" to show there was no ill feeling or rancour on any side and first of all made themselves cups of hot tea so they could settle down to 'manao' me properly.
My point in this whole juvenile sounding event is - it is alright sometimes to tell the world that you are upset, that you are angry. You only have to follow some rules -
When you are venting out, keep your real anger in check and don't let your tongue run away with you, or you'll end up saying things you'll regret for a long time.
Whenever possible, don't get specific and personal so no one is offended. Keep it on a general level. Like instead of saying " YOU did this and I don't like it ..." say " I am upset because these things are happening"
the whole objective is NOT to guilt trip anyone, I really believe it is one of the vilest things to do - but to make them feel, yes, inadevertently, without really meaning to, in some harmless way - they have definitely let you down and if they do things just a little differently everyone would be so much happier!
My little tantrum really cleared the air that day - my point was understood, I was pampered and there were no hurt feelings anywhere around.
How effective was it ? Tommorow will tell - but then as Scarlett O Hara always liked to say " tommorow is another day!"
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Friday, November 26, 2004
Ramrajya at Frankfurt airport
Hey you all!
A few days ago, I took a flight from Detroit to Mumbai, via Frankfurt,courtesy Lufthansa; an Arilines growing in popularity it seems ( having finally shirked off its 'overpriced and unaffordable' image ).
This has made Frankfurt a very active international hub. I really wish it would live up to its new role by providing these two facilities ASAP-
confortable and adequate seating ( the present metalic seats are an Ergometrist's nightmare come true - and to add insult to injury peacefully and harmlessly seated passengers are herded off from place to place like a head of cattle ! If not plush seats - can one atleast ask for enough seating in general areas, where one can be left in peace while trying to make the best use of the 'perch' available to rest tired limbs while waiting to catch your connection onwards?)
Bigger and cleaner loos ! the less said about the present 'facility' the better!
But may be it was these two factors that made me roam around the airport for six hours - the 'disconsolate soul' that I am - when my body clock was proclaiming that it was 3.30 a.m. in Ann Arbor, Michigan ( the place where I had spent the last three months) and IT WAS TIME TO SLEEP!!!
When the act of walking had pumped enough blood into my brain to arouse it enough, I noticed the following fact -
In the white and blond European faces there was an impressive smattering of - not Latinos, nor Chinese origin or Black - but colored faces belonging to South Asians - specifically Indians.
When my brain was further activated by strong German Coffee ( in search of a place I could 'rightfully'call my own I had finally ventured into a small bar where I replenished myself with German suasage and the afore named coffee while at the next table sat men actually drinking beer at 9a.m.- strange things happen at airport bars i must say - it is as if time is suspended, different time zones coming together and cohabiting a common space temporarily) I could actually make out two kinds of Indians in the people I saw:
Indians dressed in western attire,looking very self important and trying their best to ignore if not outright sneer at'ethnically' dressed Indians like poor, jetlagged Me! These were in ones or twos - mostly men, but enough young women too, on the arms of the men, seldom alone,I must say.
Indians dressed in INDIAN clothing -colorful sarees, Punjabi dresses and non-tucked in 'bush shirts'.These folks were more likely to be in groups and easily assimilated solitary wanderers like me with cheerful hellos and welcoming nods. The women were usually decked in a lot of gold and I could feel their curious glances turning pitiful when they didn't observe much of the yellow metal on me. "poor woman - hasn't made her way up in life yet - MUST be first generation NRI traveller" Right on the mark!
These two disparate groups taken together gave me a vivid sense of the Ubiquitious Indian out in the world. In short, not only have NRI indians made their presence felt in significant numbers as permanant migrants across various continents; people who actually disdain to think of themselves as Indians anymore maybe... unless when it comes to watching Indian movies or finding Indian grooms and brides... but there are an impressive number of "Indian"Indians travelling the high seas : visitng relatives, going on holidays or even seeking business/work opportunities.
There was a sub group too - folks who had lived abroad for larger parts of their lives, had taken up non-Indian citizenships but still made annual pilgrimages, sometimes reluctantly but quite regularly 'back to India'.
I finally settled down to wait out my remaining time at Frankfurt airport with two such ladies. ( I, along with a big, noisy group of Gujrathis had just been evicted out from another section of the terminus ) Both were settled in USA - one in Chicago, the other in New Jersey. Both had all their children settled in the US or Europe as also a big number of siblings, aunts and uncles etc. etc. But they still made this annual trip to India because they had still some family left 'behind' and also properties.
Ohhh - and I forgot to mention the most important fact - both had American Daughters in law and weren't at all happy about this - though these 'bahus' had produced grand children and prima facie seemed to be providing stable homes to their respective sons.
"Ram - my husband - told this American girl before she married my son ' you are just a gold digger, aren't you?You are marrying my son because he is a rich Doctor!' No, replied the smart girl - not just because he is rich but because he is so handsome too ! And Dad -i must say, he takes his looks from YOU! Howz that for a sixer ??Ram was completely bowled over ..." This is Shruti talking about her daughter in law - half bemoaning and half boasting. "But Iam not taken in at all - she has kids now, and a beautiful House built by my son - this is the dangerous time when she could kick my son out and keep everything else to herself- may be even have her lover move in to live in ready made luxury!" Is this paranoia speaking or is it based on relevant, convincing data? I haven't the faintest clue. But both women agree that they will prefer to leave their properties and jewellery to their daughters, rather than these "foreign girls". One has an interesting suggestion : may be we should leave part of it to our grand kids ? They are OUR blood after all and not responsible for their mothers' misdeeds?
This compromise is mooted because of yet ANOTHER important fact that I uncover -both have unmarried daughters in their mid thirties who are so taken up with their careers that they don't plan to marry at all! "Not yet" atleast. " Not YET? What does she mean ?Is she a spring chicken at 33 ??Who will marry her when she is 40? Hai RAm!
( referring to Ram the God, not the first woman's husband ofcourse)What has America done to my daughter's head??!!
While such momentous property and inheritance decisions are being planned out, our flight to Bombay is called.
The two women get up and rush. " Hurry up Sunita " they call over their shoulders to me. "This flight will have mostly 'desis' They will make a stampede into the plane, no queque system here... and then we won't find any overhead space for our cabin luggage."
When I pick up my back pack - courtesy my Umich. going son- and make my way to the plane, one of the last to do so I must confess - along with a young guy who was watching Hindi films songs on his lap top ( we must both hate stampedes !) I find my new found friends seated already in their isle seats and grinning like Cheshire cats. They must have found spots just over their heads to keep their precious bags. Iam so proud of them!
For me they are the face of the Indian who is on his way to conquering the world. Ohhh - you hadn't heard had you ? Ramrajya is coming soon - not just to our sub continent but to the whole 'prithvi' Won't it be a cheerful place ? Run over by cheerful,confused,contradictory oh-so-desi folks !! Like they say - you can take the man out of the country but cannot take the country out of the man!!
A few days ago, I took a flight from Detroit to Mumbai, via Frankfurt,courtesy Lufthansa; an Arilines growing in popularity it seems ( having finally shirked off its 'overpriced and unaffordable' image ).
This has made Frankfurt a very active international hub. I really wish it would live up to its new role by providing these two facilities ASAP-
confortable and adequate seating ( the present metalic seats are an Ergometrist's nightmare come true - and to add insult to injury peacefully and harmlessly seated passengers are herded off from place to place like a head of cattle ! If not plush seats - can one atleast ask for enough seating in general areas, where one can be left in peace while trying to make the best use of the 'perch' available to rest tired limbs while waiting to catch your connection onwards?)
Bigger and cleaner loos ! the less said about the present 'facility' the better!
But may be it was these two factors that made me roam around the airport for six hours - the 'disconsolate soul' that I am - when my body clock was proclaiming that it was 3.30 a.m. in Ann Arbor, Michigan ( the place where I had spent the last three months) and IT WAS TIME TO SLEEP!!!
When the act of walking had pumped enough blood into my brain to arouse it enough, I noticed the following fact -
In the white and blond European faces there was an impressive smattering of - not Latinos, nor Chinese origin or Black - but colored faces belonging to South Asians - specifically Indians.
When my brain was further activated by strong German Coffee ( in search of a place I could 'rightfully'call my own I had finally ventured into a small bar where I replenished myself with German suasage and the afore named coffee while at the next table sat men actually drinking beer at 9a.m.- strange things happen at airport bars i must say - it is as if time is suspended, different time zones coming together and cohabiting a common space temporarily) I could actually make out two kinds of Indians in the people I saw:
Indians dressed in western attire,looking very self important and trying their best to ignore if not outright sneer at'ethnically' dressed Indians like poor, jetlagged Me! These were in ones or twos - mostly men, but enough young women too, on the arms of the men, seldom alone,I must say.
Indians dressed in INDIAN clothing -colorful sarees, Punjabi dresses and non-tucked in 'bush shirts'.These folks were more likely to be in groups and easily assimilated solitary wanderers like me with cheerful hellos and welcoming nods. The women were usually decked in a lot of gold and I could feel their curious glances turning pitiful when they didn't observe much of the yellow metal on me. "poor woman - hasn't made her way up in life yet - MUST be first generation NRI traveller" Right on the mark!
These two disparate groups taken together gave me a vivid sense of the Ubiquitious Indian out in the world. In short, not only have NRI indians made their presence felt in significant numbers as permanant migrants across various continents; people who actually disdain to think of themselves as Indians anymore maybe... unless when it comes to watching Indian movies or finding Indian grooms and brides... but there are an impressive number of "Indian"Indians travelling the high seas : visitng relatives, going on holidays or even seeking business/work opportunities.
There was a sub group too - folks who had lived abroad for larger parts of their lives, had taken up non-Indian citizenships but still made annual pilgrimages, sometimes reluctantly but quite regularly 'back to India'.
I finally settled down to wait out my remaining time at Frankfurt airport with two such ladies. ( I, along with a big, noisy group of Gujrathis had just been evicted out from another section of the terminus ) Both were settled in USA - one in Chicago, the other in New Jersey. Both had all their children settled in the US or Europe as also a big number of siblings, aunts and uncles etc. etc. But they still made this annual trip to India because they had still some family left 'behind' and also properties.
Ohhh - and I forgot to mention the most important fact - both had American Daughters in law and weren't at all happy about this - though these 'bahus' had produced grand children and prima facie seemed to be providing stable homes to their respective sons.
"Ram - my husband - told this American girl before she married my son ' you are just a gold digger, aren't you?You are marrying my son because he is a rich Doctor!' No, replied the smart girl - not just because he is rich but because he is so handsome too ! And Dad -i must say, he takes his looks from YOU! Howz that for a sixer ??Ram was completely bowled over ..." This is Shruti talking about her daughter in law - half bemoaning and half boasting. "But Iam not taken in at all - she has kids now, and a beautiful House built by my son - this is the dangerous time when she could kick my son out and keep everything else to herself- may be even have her lover move in to live in ready made luxury!" Is this paranoia speaking or is it based on relevant, convincing data? I haven't the faintest clue. But both women agree that they will prefer to leave their properties and jewellery to their daughters, rather than these "foreign girls". One has an interesting suggestion : may be we should leave part of it to our grand kids ? They are OUR blood after all and not responsible for their mothers' misdeeds?
This compromise is mooted because of yet ANOTHER important fact that I uncover -both have unmarried daughters in their mid thirties who are so taken up with their careers that they don't plan to marry at all! "Not yet" atleast. " Not YET? What does she mean ?Is she a spring chicken at 33 ??Who will marry her when she is 40? Hai RAm!
( referring to Ram the God, not the first woman's husband ofcourse)What has America done to my daughter's head??!!
While such momentous property and inheritance decisions are being planned out, our flight to Bombay is called.
The two women get up and rush. " Hurry up Sunita " they call over their shoulders to me. "This flight will have mostly 'desis' They will make a stampede into the plane, no queque system here... and then we won't find any overhead space for our cabin luggage."
When I pick up my back pack - courtesy my Umich. going son- and make my way to the plane, one of the last to do so I must confess - along with a young guy who was watching Hindi films songs on his lap top ( we must both hate stampedes !) I find my new found friends seated already in their isle seats and grinning like Cheshire cats. They must have found spots just over their heads to keep their precious bags. Iam so proud of them!
For me they are the face of the Indian who is on his way to conquering the world. Ohhh - you hadn't heard had you ? Ramrajya is coming soon - not just to our sub continent but to the whole 'prithvi' Won't it be a cheerful place ? Run over by cheerful,confused,contradictory oh-so-desi folks !! Like they say - you can take the man out of the country but cannot take the country out of the man!!
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Saying Bye...
Parting is such sweet sorrow
that I will say Good Bye till the morrow
(whenever my next morrow in Ann Arbor is going to be, i.e.)
Sorry for the plagiarism Mr. Shakespeare
But what better compliment than having your couplet for
this 'author's' first blog??
that I will say Good Bye till the morrow
(whenever my next morrow in Ann Arbor is going to be, i.e.)
Sorry for the plagiarism Mr. Shakespeare
But what better compliment than having your couplet for
this 'author's' first blog??
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